Yesterday I had the privilege of officiating at the wedding of two dear friends. It was my first (and likely only) time officiating at a wedding and, I have to confess, I was more than a little surprised when they asked me. At first, I thought that it was a joke but, no, it was a serious ask. And then I offered, more than once, to have them get someone else to do it, thinking maybe they would want a family member. But no, they insisted that they wanted me and so I agreed. I did my online research as to what the legal requirements are in our State, I filled out the forms, paid the fees and voila, I became someone capable of performing a wedding.

It was a joy to see two people so clearly meant for one another be united in marriage. And I kept the ceremony brief, both because that was their wish and because we were outside on a windy day when the temperature was in the 50’s!

There were a few phrases among the words of the ceremony that resonated with me, both as I planned the service and as they were spoken. The first was as they declared their intent to one another, repeating the words of the promise that I spoke. I asked them to each offer the other “love and friendship, support and respect” and to promise to build a life together filled with “meaning and happiness.” When they exchanged rings, I spoke briefly about the circle that the ring represents, of love without beginning or end and as they slipped the rings on one another’s fingers, the words they repeated were those of commitment and that “I choose you today and for all of the tomorrows to come.”

It seems to me that those words are the essence of a relationship, that we make a conscious choice with our partner, that we pledge our love and our best self and that we accept them as they are. There are things that may upset or disappoint or frustrate us in other people in our lives. And that applies to anyone and everyone, from our partners to our children to our friends and family. Our opportunity, our obligation in a relationship that matters to us, is to either accept the other as they are or to work through our feelings with them.

We live in a society where throwing in the towel is easy. I am angry. I have had enough. I don’t want to do this anymore. But working through difficult times and emotions, being honest even when it is painful, opening ourselves up to one another, can bring us to a stronger place, a place in which we can, indeed, continue to fill our full hearts.