Tomorrow is Yom Kippur, one of the holiest days on the Jewish calendar. It’s a day of contemplation and prayer, the conclusion to the 10 days that began with Rosh Hashanah, the beginning of a new year.

In addition to the practice of using these 10 days to reflect on the past year and think about the future, many follow the tradition of using this time to ask others for forgiveness. There may be specific circumstances that drive this request but, more often, it is a blanket ask for forgiveness, if I have harmed you or hurt you in any way.

As I reflect on those areas in which I might seek forgiveness, I cannot think of any specific people or incidents for which I might make that request.

But I can think of any number of instances in which I might have done things differently. I know there are times when the control of my natural impatience slipped and I reacted with words that could have been kinder. I know there have been many moments when the look on my face revealed annoyance or anger or frustration rather than patience and support. I know that my temper has sometimes gotten the best of me and I have responded in ways that were more impulsive than thoughtful.

And I realize that the most important person we need to ask for forgiveness is ourselves. It is not just forgiveness for those moments when we did not react the way we might have, not just for the times that we said things we later wish we had not said. It is deeper than that. It is forgiveness for all the times we have berated or belittled ourselves, the times we thought “I am such an idiot” or “How could I be so stupid,” or other words to that effect. Negative self talk has many iterations and applications in our lives and it is both damaging and hard to let go.

So as we begin a new year, I want to not just forgive myself as readily as I try to forgive others, I want to practice kindness and patience with myself. When those negative messages bubble up, I want to ask myself how I would respond if someone I loved said that about themselves. I want to look at the situation with clearer eyes, without bias or emotion and find a positive way to frame it. I want to continue to hold myself accountable, but with compassion, and back away from unrealistic expectations and misplaced anger. It is time to change the mental commentary, time to silence the voices of negativity, time to focus, instead, on continuing to fill my full heart.