When my brother was alive, there were more than a few times that I called him and said, with great agitation, “Oh my God, I think I am turning into Dad!” This was no compliment to our father, believe me. It was me seeing Dad’s over-anxious, over-worrying, high strung qualities in both my thoughts and my words.

While Norm would try and summon up a somewhat forced laugh at this, we both knew the reality. We knew what it was like to grow up with someone who was quick to anger and slow to forgive, someone who could give Mom the silent treatment for a week or more, someone who was wringing his hands if we were late or hard to reach, even as adults with our own families.

While I have never been a perpetrator of the silent treatment, and I do work hard to practice forgiveness (within reason and not always successfully!), I own that anxiety gene in all of its glory. My husband says that he never has to worry about anything because I do it all for both of us. Truth is, my capacity for worry pretty much knows no limits and, in the middle of the night, I can scroll through my list of anxieties, like invisible, nocturnal worry beads.

Where Dad and I differ, though, is on what I would call our primary worry list. Dad’s first worry was about himself, he was the most self conscious person I have ever known, always concerned about how he looked, how he acted, how he was perceived. And, while there is no question that I have expectations of myself, they never make the worry list. That list begins with family and runs the gamut, including, sadly, the state of the world in which we live.

While I acknowledge the anxiety that Dad bequeathed to me, I also must acknowledge the good. My love of learning, my passion for reading, my connection to family and faith, my commitment to education—all of them are reflections of this complicated, challenging and beloved man.

We are, none of us, simple creatures. Our hearts hold the good, the bad, the easy and the complex. Our hearts are full when we understand the differences, understanding and accepting them with love.