Yesterday one of our managers saw me in the hallway and reported some details on a project that he was working on. It’s a project that he knows is important to me and he gave me all the details as well as his own commitment to meeting the deadlines and seeing it through. It was sincere and he anticipated any and all questions I might have asked. I thanked him, equally sincerely, and he stopped, looked at me and said “I would do anything for you.” He went on to say that I had welcomed him, been kind to him and believed in him and, therefore, whatever was important to me was important to him.

This person is not my direct report. I didn’t hire him, I don’t supervise him and yet I can see the impact that my behavior towards him has on his performance and his connection to the organization.

I often say that attitude is not everything, it is the only thing. And while I am the first to say that I can be impatient and not always tolerant of those who don’t meet expectations, I will give all kinds of latitude to someone who demonstrates the right attitude. Skills matter, of course. Competence matters, no question. But bringing your whole heart, your full heart to work, that is what I value first and foremost.

We have all worked with people who have great technical skills and terrible attitudes. We have all worked with those I would label malcontents, they do their work appropriately but they are dissatisfied and unhappy and want others to feel the same. Those folks create an atmosphere that’s like deep ocean diving without oxygen—an environment that cannot sustain life. When these are staff, we can often help them find happiness somewhere else. And when they are managers, well, we need to help them grow—or help them go.

No matter what kind of work you do it comes with a level of stress. It is up to us to choose whether to lean into that stress or lean away. It is up to us to create the environment we want to work in and sustain. For me that looks like a place where we smile at people and mean it, where we thank them for their efforts, where we encourage them to care about their work and the importance of their contributions every day.

I did nothing special for this manager. I listened, I showed appreciation, I treated him like a valued colleague from the first, much as I would do for anyone else. But he reminded me yesterday that it matters, that what we do automatically matters and sets a tone that can and will last. I don’t want this individual to “do anything for me” but I do know that his desire to “get it right” will go a long way in ensuring his success, both in our setting and beyond.