In a recent presentation that I attended, someone used the phrase “toxic positivity” and I not only wrote it down but have thought about it many times since. It’s such a powerful phrase and I can, as I am sure you can, think of many examples of this, especially in my professional life.

I had previously used a different phrase to express the same kind of intent. I had described certain people as “candy coated spiders,” people who smile and agree but who are holding venom beneath that insincere grin.

When I think of toxic positivity, I think of those who work to ingratiate themselves with you. They are complimentary and even sweet, bubbling with good will. But, once you get past the surface, you see that the intent is hurtful, destructive, even demoralizing.

It is too much to hope that every relationship in our lives would be based on honesty, that we would share perceptions and feelings with both clarity and respect. It is too much to hope that there would be no efforts at manipulation or pressure.

But it is not too much to hope that we set ourselves to be honest and open, to speak the truth without malice, to eschew game playing and pretense. It is not too much to hope that we can be genuine, truly positive and caring, that we can bring light to filling our full hearts.