It is the holiday week, Thanksgiving just days away. I have containers filled to overflowing with cookies for the week ahead. I’ve prepped a loaf of fresh bread to bake when some of our kids arrive on Tuesday. I’ve braved the chaos of the supermarket (where I am convinced that just about everyone piloting a shopping cart is channeling their inner kamikaze). I’ve written a menu for the many meals we will serve this week and even made a schedule of when I will prepare what . . . It is my holiday ritual in full swing!

I like to talk about, and think about, gratitude at this time of year. It is an opportunity to share time with family and friends and it gives us the chance to talk about that for which we are grateful. Many of us, myself included, have a long list of what I’m grateful for, even on the days when I am frustrated, the moments that I am stressed, the times that I am angry. I know how much I have to be thankful for no matter what else is upsetting me in the moment.

Along the lines of gratitude, I was thinking about the other part of the name of the holiday, the word giving. Yesterday we spent some time shopping for a family in need that we’ve “adopted” for the upcoming holidays, connecting through a local community organization. We bought clothes for three small children. We bought toys and a grocery store gift card that the Mom had requested.

And we were happy to do it. We tried to be practical in our gift choices but always looking for something that would make a face light up. Of course, we will never know if the gifts were pleasing but I like to think that they will be. I like to think that, in a very small way, we made the holidays brighter for this family of four.

It feels right to me that this giving is done without the expectation of thanks, that it is a gift that is purely with the hope that it will help someone. It brought to mind a tradition we have at Jewish funerals. After the ceremony is over, it is our custom to shovel earth onto the grave. I remember being taught that it is the last gift, the purest gift, that we can give someone as there is, of course, no opportunity for reciprocation.

Years ago, working in a senior care organization, we had a man living with us who was estranged from his only daughter and really disconnected from his family. He often came to visit me as well as other members of my team and he always brought us candy. We knew his resources were limited and we knew that he bought his candy in our Gift Shop. So, when he was not around, we would quietly return the unopened candy and they would continue to give him his “special” pricing.

When he died, his daughter did not come and there was no one else but staff, and our rabbi, at his funeral. We were his pall bearers and we carried his casket from the funeral home limo to the gravesite. We shared some memories and we prayed together. And as we shoveled the earth and said our goodbyes, one of the team handed each of us a small piece of candy that we tossed into the growing mound of earth in his grave.

A gift without strings attached, a gift that has no motivation or expectation, another way in which we can continue to fill our full hearts.