I am not sure how it happened but am grateful all the same. For what you ask? For living my life with a man who is the most thoughtful person I have ever known.

Now, I would describe myself as a person who likes to make others happy, I like remembering birthdays and special occasions. I like giving gifts and hoping to delight the recipient. But my gift giving very much reflects my attention challenged persona. I think the thought that I want to do something and, often in five minutes on my phone, it’s done.

Tom, on the other hand, is a much more deliberate and, yes, thoughtful, person that I will ever be. He thinks long and hard about gifts and surprises, about what would be unexpected and appreciated. On more than one occasion, he has come up with something for me that is a sign that he either reads my mind or, more likely, that in some ways he knows me better than I know myself.

One of those examples is my exercise Mirror, the company now owned by Peloton and with, sadly, an uncertain future. It was a gift for my birthday in 2019 and I questioned if I would ever use it. I played with it a bit during the rest of the year and, when 2020 arrived, and our COVID era life began, it became my lifeline. Working in senior care in the midst of a pandemic meant weeks of sleepless nights and anxiety that knew no bounds. Exercising on the Mirror, generally at 4:30 a.m., was my salvation. I had the ability to do live and recorded classes, to choose from hundreds of options to match my mood at the moment. And there were no words about the pandemic, just about moving and breathing and feeling strong. It helped me to manage my stress and to give me a sense of one thing I could control in a life that felt out of control.

Several weeks ago I saw a reversible leather jacket that I thought was fun, from a brand that he and I have both bought before. I showed him the email and picture. He liked the jacket and the hat that the model in the picture was wearing with it. Days later, for no reason at all, I came home to find both the hat and jacket packed in a gift bag on our bed.

It is not just things, it is experiences like the year I received a week of classes at the Culinary Institute of America for my birthday or the unexpected trips to places I longed to go. The thoughtfulness is clear in both gifts and the way he shows his caring every day. If I am on a long drive, I know he will call at least every hour if not more often. If he sees something special in the grocery store, like fresh papaya, that he knows I like, it comes home from the store with him.

This gift of thoughtful caring is one I appreciate, admire and have tried to emulate. I will never reach his level but I have upped my game, aiming for surprises, trying to anticipate and, above all, showing him how much he means to me.

It is an interesting blend of personalities in our house. I am, without question, a “ready, fire, aim” person and he is far more a “measure twice, cut once” proponent. He tolerates my impulsivity and emotional swings and I try to reciprocate by showing him how much I love and value him.

We have often said that, if we had met as young adults, rather than in mid-life after having been in other relationships, we might never have come together. I have no doubt that is true and am so glad that our hearts were open and are now so very full.