For as long as I can remember, even before I knew the term “mantra,” I had a phrase that I often repeated to myself. There are lots of reasons that I made these words my watchword but, primarily, they are the result of a lifetime of working to self-manage my ADHD. My mother’s favorite admonition, delivered usually in a pleading tone, was “Please, please light (land) somewhere.” My elementary school memories hold a lot of time logged standing in the corner and, even during my career, there have been people who have regarded my incessant fidgeting and asked me if it was possible for me to please sit still.

While I acknowledge my traits, and have learned, for the most part, how to manage them, the words I have always repeated to myself are “Slow down. Calm down.” It’s my “note to self” to remember to take a breath and give myself, and everyone around me, a break.

Recently, however, I read some words that have added another mantra to my mix, words that are also so relevant in my life. The words “Don’t duck” so resonated with me, not in the context of a flying object heading for contact with my head or moving through a small space, but emotionally. Because I know full well how often I have faced difficult circumstances in just that way, by ducking. It is much easier for me to avoid than confront, much easier to tuck away than face fully.

It doesn’t take a lot of searching for me to understand this, my personality and my socialization combine to make me both a problem solver and a people pleaser. I like nothing better than to tie situations up with a ribbon, to make it go away and move on, almost always by suppressing the emotion.

Of course, I can and do let the words unsaid ring in my ears in the middle of the night. I can and do allow those emotions to roil in my gut and collect in those permanent knots in my shoulders.

At this point in my life, I realize that, while I am committed to living in my truth, I also have to commit to the speaking of my truth. It’s not truth to wound or damage but truth as it exists from my perspective. Time to stop ducking, time to both “slow down and calm down” and express the truth that I see, that I feel. Learning not to duck is unlearning a lifetime of behavior and expectations but key to filling my full heart.