Do we all come into the world filled with trust? Do we believe that the hands that hold us will be gentle and loving? Do we expect that our needs will be met and we will be helped to grow and thrive? I’d like to think that most babies start life that way.

Some of us, perhaps because of personality and perhaps because of experience, lose that sense of blind trust along the way. We become skeptical, questioning, looking for the hidden agendas or secret motivations. And, some of us, like me, despite experiences to the contrary, continue to have trust as our baseline, only changing our opinions when that trust is violated.

It’s like those management theories that see people as either intrinsically good or intrinsically bad. One school of thought is looking for sunshine and flowers and accepting things at face value, the other always on the lookout for the dark clouds lurking and threatening.

I won’t claim that either approach is better than the other. It is just a reflection of the people that we are, our characters and our life experiences. For those of us who trust too easily, it is painful when someone betrays that trust. Each time is a reminder that we should be tougher, more guarded, building a stronger shell to protect our too soft interiors. And, at least for me, while I learn from every encounter, my natural behavior wins out the next time.

That is not to say that I always make myself vulnerable. I have learned to be more guarded. I have learned to look for the messages behind the messages. I have honed my instincts to know when someone or something doesn’t “feel right.” But, even with all of that, I can find myself in situations where I realize that I have taken people at their word, where I have trusted when I should not have, when those who wish to “stir the pot” have won the point.

Does this mean I need to be someone other than am I? I don’t know that it does, and, frankly, I don’t know if I can take on a persona that is so at odds with who I am at my core. But it does mean that there are times when I feel pain because of someone else’s deceit or carelessness or simple desire to create trouble.

Every lesson we learn resonates deeply. And while it may give us pause, I don’t believe that it changes who we fundamentally are, imperfect creatures. And those who hurt us, betray us, wound us, cannot prevent us from continuing to fill our full hearts.