A doula is an individual who provides guidance and support through specific medical situations. They are generally not medical professionals, but they are present to assist, to comfort, to help the individual find their path. Most often, we hear about birth doulas or death doulas, who help individuals through those most significant transitions in life.

In a recent program I attended, I heard someone talk about the concept that we are our own birth and death doulas. Not in the literal sense of being that individual trained to assist but in the sense that we hold the responsibility, and the power, to guide ourselves through the transitions and changes in our lives, determining when and how things have ended (death) and when and how things begin (birth).

It was a concept, and an image, that deeply resonated with me, a reminder that choices are always within our control. So often we go along, we follow a direction because it is easier than changing it. We stay the course because someone else wants or expects us to do so. Is that inertia? Sometimes I suppose but, more often, it is our socialized behavior, to accept and to put other’s needs before our own.

We have been schooled in being unselfish yet is recognizing our ability to set our own path selfish? Or is it strong? Is it healthy? Is it necessary for us to grow as individuals, as partners, as parents, as friends?

The idea of being your own doula is, to me, a means to coaching and encouraging ourselves. It is a way to suppress the fear and quiet the voices of the naysayers that play in our heads. To have the courage to be our own doula, to be the one who says “you CAN do this” not only opens us to possibilities, but reaffirms our right, and need, for change.

Holding ourselves close first, closing and opening doors when we decide we need to do so, enables us to understand, to build and to fill our full hearts.