I embarked on my journey to become a yoga teacher in 2021. I’ve enjoyed yoga, as a very non-serious and somewhat erratic practitioner, for a number of years. I’d idly said that it would be interesting to be more serious about yoga, to even teach it. When the moment arose, in late 2020, to begin a 200 hour level teaching program, I was intrigued but very hesitant. At the end of all of my debating, my husband made the call. “It’s COVID,” he said, “what else are you doing after work?” He was right, I somehow found the many hours it required and I found the distraction I needed. I use my training to teach elders in my professional settings and I love every minute of it and I think the elders love it as well.

So, when the opportunity for the next level class, 300 hours, came along, with the same wonderful teachers I had for the 200, I began my debating process again. It is not, thankfully, the COVID era any longer. That means that my time is even more filled and that travel is, once again, part of both my work and personal lives. I agonized over my ability to make this commitment, over my ability to devote the time to both the classes and the other work that needs to be completed and mastered. And, once again, my husband pushed me and I, with some trepidation and the understanding of the two instructors, agreed and here we are.

Last week, when classes began, it began with a deeper dive into the philosophical and spiritual tenets of yoga. We started with something called Pantanjali’s 8 limbs of yoga, which are the yamas and niyamas, essentially moral guidelines for our lives, both in our relationships with others and, more importantly, our relationship with ourselves.

As we talked about these concepts, one of them particularly resonated with me, that of Brahmacharya, which really has to do with how we direct our energy, whether externally or internally. If we are truly focused on our own growth, on our own journey, then we need to think about the way we direct our focus and our energy, the way we direct our thoughts.

Sitting there, it struck me with some impact, that external focuses, external forces, external concerns, drive my life far more than my internal choices. In fact, the outside voices are often so loud that there is little chance for the internal voice to be heard. The demands of our lives are many and we wrestle with the socialization we’ve had that teaches us to always put the needs of others first. Not that it is bad to care about others and care about the world. But, how often do we stop and really listen to that “still, small voice?” How often do we let the voices of others determine not only our direction but even our middle of the night worries?

I am not suggesting that we all become fully self-centered individuals. We all know that there are plenty of those personalities around us. But what I am committing myself to, what I am working to remember, is that where my attention and energy go are decisions and they are mine alone. And to understand that there is no guilt associated with actions and reactions that are intended to strengthen my health, my wellbeing, my fullness.

While there is much learning ahead of me in these yoga classes, what I have already found is that any door we open into ourselves, any door we open into deeper understanding, can lead us to the insights we need and help us to fill our full hearts.