It sometimes seems to me that courtesy has ceased to exist. The words that we had drummed into us, and that were drummed into our children, “please and thank you” are often hard to come by. And, “excuse me” has completely vanished. I don’t think that this is an indication of me being “old fashioned,” I think it is something that we’ve lost in our constant hurrying, in our over-arching sense of self importance, in the reliance on emojis over words.

I’m not saying that everyone is this way but it is pervasive. Have you been in an airport lately? Have you walked down the aisle in the grocery store and had someone smack you with their cart? Have you had to call just about anyone for service on anything?

But that, I think, is not the worst of it. The worst of it are the discussions that take place, in every setting, including online, about politics. The hate speech, the abusive comments, the just plain nastiness are rampant. Strong feelings are not an excuse for language and behavior that is, at best, “no holds barred.” Relationships are damaged and destroyed but what used to be called “a difference of opinion.”

We see this in the workplace as well. Escalation of issues and emotions is not the exception, it is the rule. And when that level of upset occurs, it renders us incapable of hearing, of reasoning, of understanding.

I often find myself saying “dial it down” or gesturing the same thing with my hands, meaning take a breath, calm down and let’s try and be rational, try and be reasonable. As a person who has lots of peaks and valleys of emotion, I have to make a real effort to find “level” and, in truth, sometimes, I struggle and, sometimes, I fail. Yet I know that the end result will be better if we can respect one another, if we can truly listen and if we can behave with civility. Treating others with the kindness we ourselves desire is not weakness, it is strength and it is strength that helps to fill our full hearts.