There are so many ways to approach relationships, both personally and professionally. Some of us hold ourselves apart and watch, engaging only when we choose to engage. Some of us seek control of situations and interactions, certain that the way we want things to play out is the best way, maybe the only way. There are so many variations, reflecting our personalities and our life experiences.

Some of us may find that different circumstances, and different casts of characters, cause us to behave differently, deferring to someone else or reflecting patterns we’ve experienced at other points in our lives.

As I’ve thought about my own interactions, personally and professionally, I’ve come to realize that I often find myself in the position of being “the glue.” I’m the person who wants to connect things and people. I’m the person who wants to hold onto family and friends and colleagues and keep them close. I’m the person who wants to help solve a problem, even if that problem is not directly mine.

I know that some of this is my personality and my socialization. Even as a child, I was always fixated on keeping things together. In my family, that meant not upsetting my father and keeping the peace. It meant trying to cajole him out of it when he was upset and to move him from silent anger to interacting with us. It often meant keeping things from him, things that I knew would upset him or set him off.

As an adult, I find myself doing the same thing in all aspects of my life. I want everyone to be happy, I can’t bear an unresolved issue, I want to bring everyone together and make things work. It challenges me to have people in my life who need time to process and calm and can’t reach the instant solution that I crave.

Being the glue means being the person that others sometimes look to for help, causing me to occasionally ask myself “how DID I end up in the middle of this?” But that momentary thought doesn’t derail my efforts, rather it inclines me to double down, focused on how to fix, how to solve, how to help.

There is no right or wrong in the way we approach our lives and relationships. Rather, what matters is that we understand who we are and accept it, allowing ourselves, in our uniqueness, to fill our full hearts.