If there is one characteristic that is foreign to my innate personality, calm may well be it. I have always been a person who is quick to react, prone to (I admit it) some drama, my emotions on the surface. Although I have not, and am sure never will, mastered the art of the poker face, I have learned (for the most part) to react with calm, to behave in a more measured way than my instincts would instantaneously dictate.

It’s an important lesson in living, and an important lesson in leadership, but one that is not so easy to achieve. I often say that we don’t “have the luxury” to react in haste or react in anger and I believe that is true. When confronted with situations, and especially people, who upset us, the better part of valor is to take a moment and, if necessary, walk away until we are ready to approach the issue calmly.

For me, it is often space that allows me to temper my temper. If I can take five minutes, if I can catch my breath, I can calm my breathing and “slow my roll.” When I can’t, or I don’t make an effort to do so, my immediate response may be sharper than I intend it to be, with a raised voice and a definite expression of anger.

I realize that the anger expressed in such a way makes me feel vindicated for the moment. But, in the big picture, it diminishes my effectiveness and undermines my ability to manage a difficult interaction. Letting that knee jerk happen weakens my position and it also compromises my sense of self.

When we see managers, and leaders, who spew anger and negative bluster, what I think we see are moments of immaturity, of a desire to “win” through any means including intimidation. The results may be momentary success but the long time term outcome is both destructive and potentially counterproductive.

In yoga we talk a lot about pranayama, which recognizes that breath is the source of life and energy and that focusing on intentional breathing can clear our emotional obstacles. It is the easiest practice to do, for it needs only a moment of you and your breath. And in those moments, when stress seems to be getting the better of us, when we feel our reactions bubbling to the surface, how much better would we be to just take an instant and inhale deeply, breathing in calm and gently exhaling tension? How much more would we accomplish if we breathed in with our full hearts and breathed out all that does not serve us?