The middle of the night is my favorite time to obsess. I can worry obsessively about people, situations, moments. I can dwell on words that were said, or interactions that took place, that upset me. I can linger endlessly over something I did or said that I wished I hadn’t or fret about someone else’s choices that I cannot control. I can loop through my various disturbing, repetitive thoughts until sleep has become impossible and, when morning finally comes, the tension I have stored up all night is sitting squarely on my too rigid shoulders.

In the daylight, I can look at things more rationally. I can try and change those things that are possible to change, I can push that which I cannot control from my consciousness. Some things do, indeed, come off the list but most of them endure.

At night, I sometimes visualize a circle of prayer beads in my hands, but rather than having a spiritual connection to each bead, there is an emotional tug to each and every one. Each carries a trigger to some event or moment or memory or unresolved concern and I cycle through them endlessly.

But I have begun to wonder what if? What if I took each “bead” and really looked at in the bright light? What if I let go of the beads that did not matter, the situations I could not control, the hurts that have long since passed? What if I chose to let those beads fall away? And, beyond that, what if I replaced them with beads that had more positive connotations?

Moving forward with what is important requires letting go of what holds us back. If we can focus on what makes us feel good, feel strong and feel confident, can we remove some of those obsessive negative thoughts? Can we reframe our experiences and our emotions and use our precious energies to heal ourselves and to forgive both ourselves and others?

Pushing out that which does not matter, growing past hurtful history, shaking off the moments that distress us, tools we must use to continue to fill our full hearts.