We had the gift of a vacation for the last week. Not just the “at home” vacation that we often have that finds me with more projects than time and not the “visit the kids” vacation which is always a busy whirlwind and never long enough. Nope, this was a real vacation away from our normal life, something none of us do often enough. And the truth is, it was a vacation by default. We had planned a European trip for May 2020 and postponed, postponed and postponed until I finally was not even thinking about it. We had already paid for half of the planned trip and all of the plane tickets, so when I inquired (finally) about a 2024 reschedule, I learned that it was “use it or lose it” by the end of the year. Flights were the same so we quickly regrouped and, voila, instant, not very planned, long postponed but much appreciated time away.

Sometimes it takes that change of scene, and a break from the daily stresses, to find clarity. I was not looking for some great revelation that would light my way for the coming year but I woke up in the middle of the night, one of the first nights we were away, with what felt like my word, my focal point for the year. That word was fierce. And it resonated and has resonated since.

I am not someone that would normally be described with a word like fierce. I can be strong and tough when I need to be, there is no question, particularly in my professional life. And there is no question that the “Mother Lion” has come out, and is still close to the surface, if my children or those that I love are in some way threatened or hurt. But in my personal life, most (if not all) of the time I try to find ways to make everything okay, to make everyone happy.

I could play analyst here but the answers are not deep or difficult to find. I played peacemaker in my family throughout my childhood, trying to manage a volatile father and protect the gentlest, unassuming mother. I played peacemaker in my first marriage, teaching my children that it was better not to say anything than to provoke an angry reaction. It is my instinctive, well learned behavior set. And I recognize it, accept it and have no real desire to try and change my essential nature.

But I do know that there are times when I need to be fierce more than I am, more than I even contemplate being. There are times when I have to speak my truth even when I fear it will upset someone else, even when I know that conflict may result. I need to be fierce in holding on to that which matters to me and not subsuming my desires because it is “easier” or “less stressful.” I need to be fierce about my priorities and to hold myself accountable.

I remember taking a seminar on public speaking. The instructor made a point of first, thinking about how we stand when we present. Before we even said a word, we were to think about standing firmly, feet a comfortable distance apart, creating, what he called “a strong base of support.”

Being fierce is, to me, creating that strong base of support for what I need, and what I know I need, to make the coming year into the year I want it to be, to grow the strength within myself and to continue to fill my full heart.