It was a strange and somewhat unsettling week for me. I’ve been a part of the board of my national association for more than a decade, been honored to serve in a variety of leadership roles and been privileged to express my opinions and thoughts at a level where they can, I hope, make a difference. As a healthcare organization, COVID was a tremendous challenge and, serving as board chair during those tough years, I felt such a strong, personal connection to the work, to the staff and to the members.

But I also knew that there was a time when I would reach the end of my extended term. My leadership role had added years and gave me, I think, an even stronger sense of commitment and identity. This was part of my life, part of who I see myself to be.

Letting go is strange and a little wrenching, to be honest. I am a fan of change in many ways but this is not one of them. I felt as if I was saying goodbye to a piece of my life I wasn’t ready to let go and a role that was part of my definition of self. It is not that I think that they need me. They don’t. There are great minds and strong hands and willing hearts all in place. It’s me who feels a bit bereft.

I said to someone that I’d reach my expiration date with this part of my professional life, I’d served my terms and given what I could give. But in the back of my brain I hear the little voice saying “not yet, not yet,” with the same intensity a child fights ending a favorite activity.

The truth is that expiration dates are also an opportunity for growth, a space where there was none, a chance to do new things. Rather than wallow in what we hate to see end, this is the universe telling us to move forward, to find the next challenge and the next place to be of service, to build in ways that matter. We fill the holes as we choose to fill them, seeking new ways to continue to fill our full hearts.