Every July 1, I remember that it’s my parents’ wedding anniversary and think about how very few anniversaries they had together. They married late and Mom died young and their 26 years together seems like such a small number to me.

I don’t remember them ever exchanging gifts for anniversaries or, in truth, for birthdays or holidays. I do remember that Dad would buy a sentimental card. He’d hand it to Mom in the same way each time, “Oh, here’s something the postman brought” and the sentimental message he’d chosen would invariably make her cry.

When I got to be a little older, I remember thinking that they should have a gift. My brother and I would pool our dollars and then we’d find a time when Mom was willing to take us to the mall. I vividly remember us ducking behind counters so she wouldn’t see us shopping.

We had no idea how or what a gift should be but I was determined and my brother, bless him, was always willing to let his older sister drag him along for the ride, We invariably ended up in the “Housewares” section of the local department store. One memorable year we proudly presented them with a “Mince-o-Matic,” a device I am certain never left the box. One of my other memorable picks was a coffee carafe. A beautifully curved glass urn sat elegantly in a filigree silver base. It was topped with a matching filigree top and pour spot and had a space to hold a small Sterno underneath to keep the coffee warm. When I cleaned out their house, not that many years later, the carafe, never used, was still in its place of honor in the china cabinet.

My parents’ relationship was a complicated, and often uneasy, one. In today’s world, I truthfully am not sure if they would have stayed together. Was the lack of gift giving a sign of that or a sign of the era? I don’t know. I do know that my mother loved my father and I do believe that, at the end of her life, he realized that he loved her as well.

Of course gifts don’t equal love and they aren’t a necessity for a successful relationship. But, as someone who is blessed with a husband who shows his love every day, including with thoughtful and meaningful gifts for any and all possible occasions, I think there is a message in the way we demonstrate caring. It is not the gift itself but the intent, the desire to mark a special day and to show your partner, tangibly, what they mean to you. It is a desire to fill your own, and your love’s, full hearts.