I long for the ability to decompress, to be able to take even a moment and let go of all the obligations and the stress, of the endless list of things that have to be done or worried about or figured out. I have, only half jokingly, said that I think I came from the womb “responsible” and it’s the role I’ve played my entire life.

I suspect that some of this is rooted in my childhood. My dad was not an easy man and his emotions ran hot more often than not. He would often get angry with my mother for things that were outside of her control. He was frustrated with many things in his life, decisions made or unmade, and she was the convenient target. First would come the clipped tone and the angry words, then the silent treatment. It could, and would, go on for days. He would encamp on the couch in the living room and I, by instinct or by choice, would be the intermediary, carrying curt messages or questions from one to the other. I felt, right of wrong, that I had to both keep the peace and try to negotiate the solution. I always believed that I was the one who had to make it work, and, more so, that I could and would make it work.

Whatever the cause, nature, nurture or something else, I have never shied away from or shirked responsibility, either personally or professionally. If there is a challenge to meet, I will find a way to meet it. If there is a problem, I will find a way to solve it. I take ownership and I take it seriously. I say that without judgement, just as a truth. It is an asset as well as, perhaps, a liability.

For those of us who hold on tightly, who always demand achievement and success, it is hard to let go, hard to give ourselves time, space and permission to decompress. We look in vain for that “button”that shuts off the constant stream of thoughts and worries. We think about putting things out of our minds but often we don’t.

Our bodies and our minds need ways to let go and refresh. And we need to devote the same energy we do to work and family and responsibility to self care and re-energizing. In the middle of the night when a stressful situation is keeping us from sleep, we need to visualize taking our hands and pushing the thought out of our minds. We need to shut off the phone and give ourselves space and peace. We need to find outlets that help us to let go—whether it is music, a walk in the woods, exercise or just petting the dog.

I know, easier said than done. I had the privilege of a recent long weekend at a beautiful beach and struggled to find ways to relax and savor the moment, struggled to focus on the sun and the sand and what was right in front of me rather than the issue du jour.

I am trying, as I hope that you are, to remember that life is precious and finite, that letting go is as vital as holding on, that giving ourselves the same attention and care that we devote to others is key to opening our full hearts.