There are a lot of things I don’t know. Maybe more than I do know. I will never claim to be an expert in many arenas. And I am okay with that. I know how to find answers, I know when I need someone with knowledge beyond my own to assist (at least most of the time!).

But what I do know, completely and fully, is that working with people is, as my dearest friend would say, “all in the approach.” If we treat individuals with kindness and caring, more often than not they respond that way. I know, as you know, that’s not an absolute. It does, however, work more often that not.

This week I had the joy of being with two of my grandkids for the whole week. I planned an action-packed week for them, and for me, and we had many different experiences including the zoo and the science center. We had a wonderful time and I think (I hope!) we created a lot of memories together.

What struck me about these “middle of the week” events as opposed to our usual weekend adventures, was not the large groups of summer camp kids in these venues, but rather the interaction between the campers and the counselors. Full disclosure, I was a camp counselor for a number of summers in my life and I still recall those days with fondness.

Don’t get me wrong. Herding a group of campers is worse than herding cats. You are managing a lot of personalities and preferences and keeping track of active bodies, especially on an outing. It is hard work and it is tiring. I believe, however, it can be joyous and memorable as well.

Here’s what I saw this week. Believe me when I tell you that I was not looking, I was busy watching my two, but could not miss it. We saw and heard more than one counselor yelling at kids, not in a “come on, let’s go” way but in a personal, attacking way. We heard anger and criticism. We heard a lot of negative personal comments with raised voices “YOU NEVER” or “I TOLD YOU” to a level that I felt a physical reaction, pulling the kids closer to me as if I had to create a protective shield around the three of us.

As I stood there, I saw the campers react by either ignoring the angry words and tone or by grudgingly complying. The encounters, and there were many, were filled with anxiety. The interactions were hostile and demeaning. This was not universal by any means but enough times that I could not help but notice.

It made me reflect on the universal truths about working with people, people of any age. My mother used to say “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” and I know that’s true. Not every situation can be handled calmly. Not everyone responds to a smile and a kind word. But, very often, a measured and reasonable approach is more effective than raised voices. I am not suggesting that we all walk around in an artificial “niceness” where no one ever gets upset. But I am suggesting that when we treat people as people first, when we show respect for each person as an individual, we have the opportunity to live our lives—and help them live theirs—with a full heart.